Monday, August 3, 2020

WONKA COMPANY TO HOLD SECOND CONTEST!

By The Dahl Gazette 

Wonka Choaclat Co. has publicly announced second-ever Wonka golden ticket sweepstakes in a statement issued by the Wonka public relations department this Monday.

The official statement reads:

It is with great anticipation that I, Mr. Charlie Bucket would like to announce the second-ever Willy Wonka golden ticket sweepstakes! 
Once more the fabulous Wonka chocolate factory will open its's doors for just a lucky few. This time a special surprise, six, yes six Lucky children and their selected Parent-guardian will be flown to the Wonka factory in an all-expenses-paid trip and the wonderful grand prize a tour of the factory and a lifetime supply of Wonka brand chocolate.  Astounding? Yes, but there's more,  and the cats out of the bag this time, one lucky child to be determined will, of course, be offered an apprenticeship chocolatier position effective immediately concluding the tour and said child will be also be issued a controlling portion of NYSE: WONK stock making them the owner of the company so they may continue the Wonka legacy for years to come. The Tickets have Shipped and are now in the wild! Happy hunting!

Deliciously,
Mr. Charlie B. Bucket CEO, President, and Owner of Wonka Chocolate Company. 


Wednesday, February 2, 2000

Oompa Loompas Introduced to the world

Mr. charlie b Bucket Called a press conference today to introduce the world to the mysterious workers who have been running the Wonka factory for the past several decades. The Oompa Loompas, says Mr. bucket, came from a dismal place called Loompa land and have happily worked in the factory for many years however He feels the time has come that they are afforded more anonymity than Mr. Wonka allowed them. New housing is to be built on a portion of natural woods to the north of town. He also added that while Oompa Loompas all have a place at The chocolate factory It's noted that they are not required to continue to work there, noting that they were to be paid in cash as well. Mr. bucket also announced the creation of a city-wide glass public transit system and an expansion of the factory to keep up with global demand.

Sunday, January 30, 2000

Announcement!


Don't miss out on this rare opportunity!

New positions are available to permanent residents of Dahl. You must provide proof of full citizenship and submit to a biannual background check. NDA and pledge of loyalty to be signed on acceptance of the offered position. You could be but one of a few to be hired in an exciting new administrative, marketing, or packing and shipping positions. Send your applications to  Wonka chocolate care of Mr. charlie b bucket and we will contact you if you are a good fit.

Tuesday, September 7, 1999

BELOVED CHOCOLATIER BITES THE BIG ONE



The world mourns the loss of William "Willy" Wonka Framed chocolatier and confectionary wizard. Little is know about this enigmatic candy visionary who gave the world such fantastic creations such as Never melting Ice cream and the everlasting gobstopper but public records show that he was born to parents Wilbur and Wendaline Wokna June 11, 1933. Willy would have never known his mother who died the following year due to an ongoing illness.

Contrary to popular urban legend Wilbur Wonka was not a dentist but A moderately wealthy business owner who owned and operated a small handful of corner drugstores complete with soda fountains. Willy Wonka Attended the Knopf school for boys where according to former classmates he excelled in chemistry and debate. After his father's passing Willy inherited the family business at the age of seventeen and despite the growing popularity of the soda fountains sold the business just a year later.

Not much I's know about Mr. Wonka after this except that he'd show up some years later in our small town of Dahl where hed quickly buy the local corner store on fifth and main and open the candy store that would start and empire.

Mr. Wonka is survived by his business partner Mr. charlie B Bucket and the twelve hundred workers and their families.  Private hard coating and wrapping to proceed tomorrow noon as per the final wish of Mr. Wonka.

Monday, October 26, 1992

PRODNOSE-SLUGWORTH MERGER GETS THE GO AHEAD

Amidst falling stock and rubbish brand recognition Prodnose and Slugworth complete their merger forming Prod-Worth holdings. 



The company will continue to make old-time favorites such as the Sizzler and 24hr gum but will be pivoting to a Nostalgia based marketing plan promoting their products as hand made old fashions confections.

Saturday, May 10, 1986

WONKA BECOMES CITY STATE.

History was made in the shadowy halls of government today when the Prime minister signed a most curious bit of legislation making the Wonka chocolate factory, the town of Dahl, and the sounding 20 square miles of countryside its own city-state.

All this came on the heels of pending regulations threatening to fling open the doors of the secretive and mysterious factory to food and safety inspectors. Now as a city-state the world's most famous and profitable chocolate factory Is safe from the prying eyes of the outside world but will this new sovereign city be a sweet dream or a candy-coated nightmare is yet to be seen.

Monday, March 8, 1982

SALT NUT COMPANY TO ACQUIRE FICKLEGRUBER'S CONFECTIONS


Veruca salt newly appointed head of Salt Nut Company Announced today the acquisition of FickleGruber's Confections. Ms. Salt Stated that the salt nut company would be expanding from nut shelling to a new line of confectionary and Icecream-based products. 
It's commonly known that Ficklgruber's Confections is Wonka chocolate number three competitor and a ruthless one at that. 

When asked if She intended to directly compete with Wonka Chocolates Salt said
"what do you think? It's been my opinion that Wonka's replacement is nothing more than a calculated carbon copy. If you want to see some real innovation just watch what I do with Ficklegruber's. I'm going to give Mr. Bucket a real run for his money."

"I always get what I want." she added ending the press conference.